Just some thoughts:

I might as well be religious: I don't smoke, rarely drink, avoid licentious behavior on ethical grounds, and view life and humanity uncomfortably and precariously. Religion would provide an instant social life and a feeling of purpose only garnered in a group. The impediments to religion for average persons, that it would disrupt their lifestyle, don't exist for me. If anything, a religious perspective would normalize my feelings of ostracization through social immersion. Other people blunt and muddle the edges of self.

Alas, that which defines my self prevents religion. It's not that I hold truth and verity in some sacred regard. If I did, it would be impossible to believe in god. That would be to substitute belief in truth for belief in god. I don't actually believe in any of my beliefs. They exist in the same way free will exists: as an illusion to cling to during decision-making. Beliefs underlie every word I've ever written, just as free will underlies every choice. That these are illusory is knowledge of the a priori variety. Just obvious. Insofar as the obvious is even able to exist.


I continue to be spellbound by the amount of people in this world. The illusion of uniqueness and personal importance have increased in scope as human population has boomed.