12.28.2002

I've attached this to my brain.

The filter is removed. My thoughts and feelings drawn out on the screen.

With a buffer. Like on portable cd players to prevent skipping. Those buffers read ahead every second, if a skip occurs, the buffer fills it in with the data taken out of the read ahead buffer. It's been explained in better ways. Without a buffer, the product of my mind would be as a skipping CD--incomprehensible garbage. My how I love that word.

The unit reads ahead one sentence or one paragraph at a time. Until it reaches a natural stopping point. Therefore one string of mental data could fill up an entire buffer sequence. Unfortunately I have a faulty attention span, so we will never know the limits of the buffer.

No it's big enough for my mind. A simple model, functional, but simple. Scarred by battles between temptation and will. Drugs and loneliness.

Tick. It makes a noise. Tick. Flashes in front of us. Tick. Repeat. Tick. Turn. It stops. Reminder: Driving is an act unto itself. It requires full attention. Do not forget your turn signal. Forget the radio.

Fuck fuck fuck. throb pulsate. In out in out innnn out. Make this into poetry. The height of orgasm, that singular moment when all perfectly asserts. Pinnacle. And then it is done. Like a job well. Suddenly the reality of foul smelling sticky vagina, sweaty balls, various strands of crud and smegma return. Animals in heat. How ridiculous!

Natural man would have it. The Master of the Mechanism. Proof that sex is a mechanism--male semen production system. Regardless of how you feel, that semen will be produced. This fact, obviously, affects behavior geared towards the semen shooting mechanism. Into a cum dumpster.

Natural man lurks behind the shadows of ideas, sabotaging credibility.

12.23.2002

What are you gonna do?

-Tony Soprano

12.22.2002

Women love to be in wait mode. Waiting for Him, waiting to graduate, waiting for the moment when it happens.

Man will never outwait a woman. It is a man's lot to take action, to push the issue. Women can exist in a state of perpetual wait.

Women must be able to outlast the desire for inferior men. They have much more at stake, their window of opportunity to bear children is short. Plus their stock decreases mightily when they have that first one. If they have two with different men, they can all but forget about the more desireable half of potential suitors. It is not in the male's genetic interest to care for children that aren't his own. This is not to say it doesn't happen. The love mechanism can be triggered for ANY child and any person. Once this mechanism takes hold, specifics such as genes become nominal. However, the likelihood of the love mechanism being allowed to get started is decreased.

So women must wait. Men can still impregnate and run, although it's not always in their best interest to do so. Their desire to spread the most seed and settle down to care for wife and child are at odds. The child grows up better with a father around--his chances of reproduction are increased with a stable family. But children will grow up with just a mother, who doesn't have much of an option to abandon her child--the mother-child love bond is far too strong. Of course normal adoption and dumpster adoptions do happen. But their occurence rate is much lower than deadbeat dads.

Women wait. They hold out. For the best male. The one who was raised by a father and mother, who's normal, successful, desired by other women. Their limited number of eggs decrease by one every cycle. Remarkably, they wait. To have five genetically disadvantaged children with no father in a lifespan is much worse than four with a solid father. Because those four will reproduce four each. Whereas the five with five fathers (the 5X5 principle) only promises one or two apiece. And those more likely to face early death.

Men have unlimited sperm. They can father children their entire life. Yet they don't wait. It seems as though they should be the ones waiting and women should be pressed in a race against time. But the opposite is true. Men always have the option of disappearing after they shoot their DNA ridden sperm past the goalie. Even though nowadays we have all kinds of safeguards and incentive to prevent this. The fact that it still happens with stunning frequency proves its sway with regards to male reproduction.