The standard dialogue goes something like this:

"I'm sorry to hear about your mom. I wish there was something I could say."
"Thanks for your concern, it's been hard. But she died in the company of my brother and I, her two sons. Her suffering went on for a long time and it's finally over."
"Yeah my {uncle, aunt, grand/person, father, mother} died in a {nursing home/hospital} from {cancer, stroke} and it was hard too. You almost feel better when they go and their suffering ends. How are you doing?"
"uhh, I'm doing ok."
"If you need anything, just ask."
"Thanks, thanks a lot."

--

It's a performance on my part. I can even conjure about-to-water-eyes. My feelings more or less represent what I am portraying. It's just impossible to recreate them every time someone asks. Plus there are complexities that are impossible to work into a casual amateur-grief-counseling conversation. I'm not going to have revelations/ breakthroughs or even much comfort every time someone expresses their concern. So I just try to go through the motions of caring that they care. The fact is, frankly, I don't care whether or not they care. Their concern betrays a portait of their compassion levels. But it's obvious to me which people have compassion and which don't.