I really need to get my temper under control.

Last weekend I drank several shots of Jagermeister, decked a guy, punched awnings, ran from a policeman on a bike through a graveyard over a fence and through alleyways back to the main street near where I started. It was there, hiding behind a bush exhausted from sprinting that I was found by another police officer. Within a minute the original bike officer arrived and shortly thereafter I was arrested for disorderly conduct.

It's a shame because I met a nice young lady that night who seemed to have a little bit of interest. All of it dissipated, of course, when I knocked that drunk fool on his ass.

Three days later I was in court, ready to accept the D.A.'s offer of a $200 fine and a $50 victim witness fee. Of course, the judge asked for the police report to be read in court which lead to my downfall. The document was an embroidered mess featuring a crazed lunatic trampling graves and yelling various taunts, including "fuck you, fuck the police" and otherwise being verbally abusive.

The judge was appalled and asked me why this happened. I was surprised by the question, evidenced by my response: "I have no reason." After some serious reprimanding, the judge recomended in addition to the fees, a written apology to that poor police officer whose feelings must have been hurt, a year probation, screening for alcohol, and evaluation for anger management. I almost accepted on the spot but was unable to decide. At which point I said, "I need a lawyer." I promptly applied for a public defender. The probation, the apology and the fine are acceptable. But the alcohol screening and the evaluation for anger management are unacceptable. I will never be able to convince anyone that I don't have an anger problem. I thought about this for an hour and decided that even if I remained completely silent and stoic as possible during the screening I'd still fail. I determined that "evaluation" basically means "sign up". As in "sign up" for anger management. The alcohol screening is total bullshit. I'm not an alcoholic. I have problems controlling my emotions, my impulses and my anger. Alcohol makes it worse. And I know that many would say this makes me an alcoholic, but this is akin to saying that anyone who drinks is alcoholic. These folks would have you believe that sixty percent of the population is alcoholic. This is a rehash of prohibition era sentiment. If you admit to drinking, if you admit that it has any effect on your behavior or your life, then you're an alcoholic. The hassle of having to be accountable to some agency who can call you at any time and demand your urine is far worse in my mind than not drinking.