10.15.2002

ladder fall [pass 2]

Fell off a ladder today. Blogger lost my first entry so this one will doubtless be of indifferent quality.

about 20 feet up the side of a house, the ladder fell straight backwards--I fell straight down, spilled paint and was left straddling the prone ladder shocked and bemused.
No injuries to speak of. Although the crew seemed convinced that I was hurt.

I felt precisely as one feels just after and auto accident--shocked, amazed, disbelieving, intense, high, and anxious.
Furthermore, the sensation of falling straight down was tremendous: so sudden, so shocking and surreal yet verisimilar.
Far from being frightened, I was chuckling and felt a rush of adrenaline which was rather enjoyable.

From what I can tell, there is no discernible meaning or purpose in life: Therefore I've never been able to justify why one should continue to live. We're all going to die sooner or later. Why not sooner rather than later? But, one also cannot justify why NOT to continue living. Why not later rather than sooner? I can't even justify the question, except to know that I've asked it.

Alas, death is our ineluctable fate. It's where the the collective is headed. I would much rather it be a parade than a procession. I had a (very small, perhaps dried up with no paint) brush with death today and it wasn't frightening, but pleasantly exhilarating.

In summary, the experience of falling was so intense and vital, that within minutes of the incident I came to this precise conclusion:
The next time I fall gloriously from a ladder, I wish to expire upon landing.

Of course, I don't intend to ever fall again--that would be suicide, which is unjustifiable.

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