tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37978662011-06-06T19:46:52.872-04:00No Name NihilistDumping ground.Drouillardnoreply@blogger.comBlogger2651100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-47237867503414714852007-02-17T14:33:00.000-05:002007-02-17T14:46:14.545-05:00What's the point of writing a journal intended to be public that no one reads?If Shakespeare were born 30 years ago, he wouldn't be writing plays, but Hollywood blockbusters.If James Joyce were born 25 years ago, he'd be a struggling actor.The fact is, there is no romance left in me. The unaccompanied narrative is dead, meaning is made on video.Music with no images falls on deaf ears.Words with Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1171399029338014432007-02-13T15:25:00.000-05:002007-02-13T15:37:09.353-05:00Mongolian Spots:Blueish spots on the back (usually) of Asian babies.My son has them.His racial makeup is as follows:50% Khmer, 37.5% Sicilian, 6.25% French, 6.25% Huron Indianmore info about Mongolian Spots.It will be interesting to note whether my next offspring has them.Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1170872374993179512007-02-07T13:16:00.000-05:002007-02-07T13:19:35.020-05:00I received the following email today:Attn:GiambroneCompliments of the day to you. I must solicit your confidentiality and assure you that I am contacting you in good faith and this proposal will be of mutual benefit.Richard Alex {esq.}, personal attorney to late Jim Giambrone and also a legal practitioner.My service covers individuals,corporate bodies and institutions.I also represent Government Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1167698044408281592007-01-01T19:26:00.000-05:002007-01-01T19:34:04.426-05:00I copied this from http://are-oh-vee.blogspot.com/2006_09_01_are-oh-vee_archive.html"Ah, those fishnets is less abiding than this skillful chloroquine regarding Chino Hills. Oh, these boardroom decisions is less resentful than both constant big babies behind Sainte-Adele. Gosh, half of sleeping tablets atrocious foolhardily thrust across half of caustic aboard Waukegan. Crud, this christmas gift Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1155814737700599762006-08-17T07:38:00.000-04:002006-08-18T06:09:38.683-04:00I’m disturbed by the marrying insanity of Cambodians.It is all too common a practice for Cambodians from the States to return to Cambodia and get married literally in a few days to someone they just met. $20,000 is a common figure to be paid for the privilege. This is done with the consent of the family.They have to fake a marriage and lie to consular officers to get the visa in order to live Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1154489193229426972006-08-01T23:26:00.000-04:002006-08-16T07:03:51.370-04:00I did not tell Bailey the true story.I told him the adulterated version. One time I started to go down that road and he cut me off in such a way that made it clear that he didn't want to know/wouldn't do the case if he knew.I did not take the stand. It's not a good idea. Lawyers are professionals and they will make you look stupid. Plus you don't want to pit yourself against police officers.Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1144764348233974702006-04-11T09:36:00.000-04:002006-08-16T07:13:13.390-04:00Sometimes coincidences strike you so hard they jolt you with a pause that compels you to relate it to somebody. As if retelling it gives it a life outside of yourself.This one that just happened to me was simply too obscure for me to tell anyone, so I'm writing it here.I'm at my office here in Phnom Penh, it's 8:30 p.m. and I should be home.I've been perusing the web (not a file sharing service)Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1135304422392404582005-12-22T21:18:00.000-05:002005-12-22T21:20:22.403-05:00The following is how I feel 20% of the time:People in Cambodia are either corrupt or bankrupt. The corrupt people make money. They don't earn it, they siphon it. Everyone from waitresses and bar girls shorting the boss and customers to government officials pocketing donor money through gas credits and shady land deals. Even to NGO employees living lavish lifestyles in the capital, rarely Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1130812828456266162005-10-31T21:38:00.000-05:002005-10-31T21:40:28.470-05:00It's indescribable, but several times the police have tried to stop me on my bike. For going the wrong way down a one-way street, to check the bike, for just being on the road and foreign, and for who knows whatever reason. Basically they want graft, money, like 10 or 20 dollars. They have no vehicle, their method of pulling someone over is to walk into the road with one arm raised, motioning Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1130586072798499812005-10-29T07:39:00.000-04:002005-10-29T07:41:12.810-04:00For as sexist as this culture is, the women control the money in the typical Cambodian family. The man is expected to come home immediately after he gets his salary and give all of it to his wife, then the wife will dole out a few bucks so he can go to a beer garden and drink some beer and maybe play cards.--------------------You'll find when you become a teacher that there are really two phasesDrouillardnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1119321421889691492005-06-20T22:36:00.000-04:002005-06-20T22:37:01.890-04:00You go to a hospital here and they're likely to scrape red raspberry lines into your skin with the cap of a tiger balm tin, anoint you with fish oil, give you a bag full of mystery pills and send you on your way.Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1119321219523318172005-06-20T22:31:00.000-04:002005-06-20T22:33:39.526-04:00So this is my second term teaching at the second biggest (and oldest) English language school in Cambodia.Most of the advice I've gleaned from experienced teachers leans heavily towards a teacher-as-dictator methodology.In my first term, I was the nice guy, and I paid the price for it with students who 1) speak a lot of Khmer in class and 2) are difficult to control. In my second term, I've Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1116333093722737582005-05-17T08:23:00.000-04:002005-05-17T08:31:33.730-04:00Kirirom is a mountain that upper class Khmers go to on their holiday (Sunday). The only poor people there are the ones that live there and sell things. Everyone else who goes is quite wealthy--even more wealthy than my students (who are generally regarded as rich--even though most of them don't own cars).I've pondered Navy's situation and come up with a workable theory, these are the facts:--Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1112105524334454872005-03-29T09:09:00.000-05:002005-04-02T06:39:16.926-05:00Tagalog, the Filipino language sounds almost precisely the same as pig latin. I'm not lying or exaggerating. This particular cluster of Filipinos that frequents the internet-shop near my house aren't the friendliest bunch so my impression of these Fili-people is likely a bit skewed.Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1111558867218642672005-03-23T00:20:00.000-05:002005-03-23T01:21:07.220-05:00I've had several Cambodians tell me (through translators of course) that they love looking at white skin. I get stared at everywhere I go pretty much.In my experience, a lot of Asian cultures suffer from this sort of malady. You'd be amazed at the amount of whitening products advertised on T.V. They even have a brand of soap purported to "whiten skin."There are also class-based complications Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1111483085406318262005-03-22T04:16:00.000-05:002005-03-22T04:18:05.406-05:00I experienced some blatant racism today: a candidate for a teaching job came into our school requesting an interview. I was chatting with the Director of Studies in his office at the time when this became known. The Cambodian director of studies (the one who deals primarily with the Cambodian clientele) told the foreign (American) director that she was waiting and said, almost literally, not Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1110464863435923082005-03-10T09:19:00.000-05:002005-03-10T09:37:29.180-05:00It's tragicomedy to see what some of the women do to their faces---white powder pasted on and crusty like they woke up in the morning and and the first thing they did was douse their faces in flour. You can just imagine the other silly Khmer women complimenting her beautiful complexion: she's like a silly, serious and entirely unfunny clown-lady. But that's reality and how is that relevant? Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1110021680413301482005-03-05T06:20:00.000-05:002005-03-05T06:21:20.416-05:00I met a pasty-faced 50 year old teacher today. He's 6'5 with gawky legs, a big belly and bad skin. He smokes pot and offered me some (I politely declined). He has a 24 year old live in Cambodian girlfriend--beautiful, previously a virgin and she thinks he'll marry her and take her to "the land where the streets are made of gold", America. Too bad he hasn't been in the States for 15 years, Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1109773724564211712005-03-02T09:25:00.000-05:002005-03-02T09:28:44.566-05:00I've gotten the "full effect" of Cambodia. The authentic third world experience.You almost have to be a little bit sadomasochisticto want the full effect, because you know you're goingto be eating some questionable foods and shitting in ahole in the ground, literally 6 inches from thenearest playing kid. But it's worth it when you seeeveryone in the neighborhood stop by yourcountryside retreat Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1109656763480469522005-03-01T00:57:00.000-05:002005-04-02T06:40:26.773-05:00I got a new teaching job at a different school. They have over 3800 students, or so they claim. Regardless of the exact number, the school is buzzing, and they even have a commercial (albeit a shitty one) on local TV. The bad thing is I don't start until March 28th and my hours at the other school are sparse until then. When I get my tax return back I hope to travel to Vietnam for about 10 Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1109588702404642392005-02-28T06:04:00.000-05:002005-02-28T06:05:02.403-05:00Cambodian people are warm and resilient but they have some seriously detrimental cultural issues: Whiteness is the holy grail of appearance. White children especially are seen as treasures of humanity, getting celebrity-like attention. Jude would be worshipped by Khmer women here. These are people who apply "whitening" cream almost religiously, wear hats to block the sun from darkening them Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1108785115786942062005-02-18T22:50:00.000-05:002005-02-18T22:51:55.786-05:00You should hear me trying to explain the phrase, "sucks shit" to some sort-of English speaking Cambodians. It goes like this:"To suck is an insult because it all started I guess with sucking dick.""What's dick""I mean penis, it all starting with women sucking penis. So if I say Cambodian food sucks, I'm actually saying that the food sucks penis" "Why would food suck penis?""It wouldn't that's Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1106901003741339172005-01-28T03:27:00.000-05:002005-01-28T03:30:03.743-05:00The dog story:
Sophy, myself and his entire family and friends from Battambang, Cambodia were driving in a two van caravan. That is two vans about 30 people total going to some destination in rural cambodia. The driver of van 1 and the leader of our expedition around Cambodia was kind of a rascally guy who I wouldn't exactly trust around my kids (if I had any). Anyways Sophy and I are in the Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1106900820882317912005-01-28T03:26:00.000-05:002005-01-28T03:27:00.883-05:00I'm teaching intermediate level II english. They speak and write English at about 4th grade level. But it's different than teaching 9 year olds. They have mature minds (they range from 17-30 something). There are cultural differences and pronunciation difficulties. Yesterday I was having problems not laughing at hearing them pronounce 'vegetable'. The school I'm teaching at is somewhat of aDrouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1106321931814773642005-01-21T10:26:00.000-05:002005-01-21T10:38:51.813-05:00"Take me to your heart
Take me to your soul"
This love ballad reverberates throught the streets of Cambodia on every given night, played at those ubiquitous weddings. I don't know who wrote it, but it's the perfect anthem for the normally unsentimental Khmers, even when they have no inkling as to what it is about. With it's simple, childlike lyrics, it's ideal for a country with such limited Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1105099517860743312005-01-07T06:44:00.000-05:002005-01-07T07:05:17.860-05:00Pattaya, Thailand is a city that can be neatly summed up in one word: Licentious:
-Anywhere from 25,000 to 100,000 of the city's 200,000 are sex workers.
-Virtually every white man over the age of 50 can be seen walking the streets of Pattaya with his arm around a much younger Thai girl.
The women are so aggressive on the streets that run perpendicular to the main beach drag they grab you or Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1104380517752899012004-12-29T22:42:00.000-05:002004-12-29T23:28:47.510-05:00She works at an outdoor piazza style bar-restaurant, like hundreds that line the streets of Phnom Penh. Twenty odd tables, each with a large umbrella hovering above. When you enter, you're accosted by attractive "beer girls" dressed in colorful velvet-polyester-looking skirts adorned with different brands. The girl you pick becomes your beer, implicit in the choice is the promise of repeated Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1104234928091728282004-12-28T06:31:00.000-05:002004-12-28T07:09:43.386-05:00Cambodia Day 14
I did not come here with any intention to learn Khmer at all. I came just to travel because I was bored and apathetic at home. I've picked up several words and phrases. It's amazing how forcefully one learns a language during total immersion.
Internet cafes here suck, they have tremendous lag.
Every school seems to be teaching English, but no one speaks well. Vendors know Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1098919498041322992004-10-27T19:18:00.000-04:002004-10-27T19:24:58.043-04:00Is this a dream? Are they really about to do it? Sadly the World Series has been anti-climactic. The Sox are winning like the Yankees. Getting leads early and never relinquishing them. The ALCS was so intense I could scarcely watch, or sit down. The WS has been relaxing. This idea that the curse will be broken became firmly affixed in our collective Red Sox Nation minds after Pedro won to Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1096080928651671582004-09-24T22:53:00.000-04:002004-09-24T22:55:28.650-04:00What is said in online dating profiles:
I'm looking for a guy who has a "career", not a "job".....
What they mean:
Because I want to reaffirm the class based distinctions that have polarized and destroyed society which will eventually lead to a violent overthrow of the current ruling class.Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1095991213870755422004-09-23T21:54:00.000-04:002004-09-23T22:00:13.870-04:00Even a dog will disrespect you if you don't stand your ground. If you hunch over and look down when walking past a barking dog in any suburb, the dog will bark louder and with more confidence. If you walk tall and stare directly into its eyes, the dog will lose its wind.
People are absolutely the same. If the standard of respect crosses species it will cross any other boundaries as well. TheDrouillardnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1092958854498292512004-08-19T19:40:00.000-04:002004-08-19T19:40:54.496-04:00How long has John E. O'Neill hated John F. Kerry?
over 30 years...Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1091932585151045712004-08-07T22:00:00.000-04:002004-08-12T22:39:25.646-04:00A life of Arctic Sounds
By Modest Mouse
-------
As long as you're gone,
I can’t apologize,
For all the things that I haven’t said and done.
And 100 miles is a long drive inside a car.
200 miles is a long drive inside a car.
300 miles is a long drive inside a car.
400 miles is a long drive inside a car.
500 miles is a real long drive in a car!
600 miles is a long drive inside a car.
700 miles isDrouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1091809467997338822004-08-06T12:14:00.000-04:002004-08-07T22:42:51.636-04:00Yesterday a customer from last summer appeared in Wal-Mart and somehow I remembered him. He remembered me as well and we looked at each other for an awkward moment during which time both of us scanned our minds for specifics. We both made funny-head-turned-faces as I exclaimed, "I moved you last summer." He said "yeah." We bullshitted for a bit about his house and neighborhood being finished.Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1091736247293507862004-08-05T15:47:00.000-04:002004-08-05T16:04:07.293-04:00From Word of The Day for August 5, 2004
Trivia: Bloviate is closely associated with U.S. President Warren G. Harding, who used it frequently and who was known for long, windy speeches. H.L. Mencken said of him, "He writes the worst English that I have ever encountered. It reminds me of a string of wet sponges; it reminds me of tattered washing on the line; it reminds me of stale bean soup, of Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1091671597937100262004-08-04T22:02:00.000-04:002004-08-04T22:06:37.936-04:00Not Again
It's not blogger that loses the posts, it's me being careless and clicking into preview, clicking here or there or the server crashing. But you could write a novel with all my lost posts.
I don't know if I'll ever be inspired to write what I just did. I wrote it quickly, I don't know. I hope tomorrow I will be able to reanalyze that song. Otherwise, it'll be gone forever, like a Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1091156576079331712004-07-29T22:45:00.000-04:002004-08-02T19:49:30.426-04:00Plantier
Phil Plantier
Even the name sounded enticing to me. I would dream about it. He was my secret weapon, Phil, phil, philip. Plantier. I loved thinking about his stance, his homeruns, his plays in the field (although, even at age 13, I knew he looked kind of awkward out there). He was handsome, like Mel Gibson, as it said on the back of his Upper Deck card. I liked his '90 Stadium Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1091154288467953062004-07-29T22:18:00.000-04:002004-07-29T22:25:08.626-04:00Spell It Out
When you say you can think of a million reasons why to/not to do something, you could probably only come up with about 30.Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1091066209864304272004-07-28T21:46:00.000-04:002004-07-28T21:58:45.643-04:00Medicine
I guess you could say that he's come to another crossroads.
This meaning-junkie.
I'll try my hand at this narration nonsense, just to convey this day as it occurred, July 28th, 2004. I don't believe in narration for its own sake, nor do I fancy fictional stories of any kind. Music bothers me. These things all boil down to someone else's expression. Some other person's feelings, Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-109063946436001922004-07-23T23:22:00.000-04:002004-07-23T23:39:25.996-04:00horrid post
we're all just disgusting fleshy protrusions.
--
Happy sentiments don't warrant posts. You begin with bliss--a child's world. It's not until adolescence that you become acquainted with more complicated forms of sorrow. That's when life becomes interesting and poignantly unfulfilling--the assertion of the poetic.
--
Meaninglessness tails my every move, idea, and interlude. Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1090637089584077332004-07-23T22:38:00.000-04:002004-07-23T22:44:49.583-04:00building sweet nothings
concerted consistent pressure
momentous discord
you know what will happen
but you still live it
as if you don't
the prefix of control
groundwork laid from the very beginning
doubtless arguments make for predictable outcomesDrouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1090537496131869142004-07-22T19:03:00.000-04:002004-07-22T19:10:51.090-04:00paradiggum
You better hope you get a good paradigm, because all this shit just repeats. Different manifestations, but essentially the same shit. You're a spectator to your own life.
Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1090295152455887432004-07-19T23:43:00.000-04:002004-07-19T23:45:52.456-04:00Adage Plus One
Not only do nice guys finish last, but they don't get the girl either.
Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1090280006593179662004-07-19T19:32:00.000-04:002004-07-19T19:36:12.756-04:00Never tell anyone your credit rating unless you absolutely must. Jokingly remarking, "I have lousy credit", is akin to telling people your social security number.
Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1090209562217325782004-07-18T23:59:00.000-04:002004-07-19T00:03:40.466-04:00Spot
curved flesh
peeled like layered selves
remember the torment
the spilled confidence
high pitched beauty
mind the ratio of men to women
enforce the distract excuses
say little
so you may express love unreturned
forget the heartache and remember that
torture looks down on loneliness.
Vergilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07385611300838593802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1090209367031111482004-07-18T23:55:00.000-04:002004-07-18T23:56:07.030-04:00Just Now
...and my love for you's just not the same....
Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1090015845108645082004-07-16T18:04:00.000-04:002004-07-16T18:10:45.106-04:00Damn Yankees
If they like any team at all, foreigners love the New York Yankees. To them it's the quintessential symbol of America, our modern day bald eagle. Allegiance to the Bronx Bombers represents their own to America.
For that reason, Yankee fans in New England tend to be rather clueless foreign people who know very little about baseball. All inborn Americans are Red Sox fans. If Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1089845876971346022004-07-14T18:54:00.000-04:002004-07-15T10:08:32.630-04:00Los Capitalistos
In capitalism, you must be act like a capitalist to prosper. Just giving maximum effort isn't enough. Plenty of people work as hard as possible all the time and knock their heads into low ceilings--you'll hear them ask you things like, "for here or to go."
One popular option is to get an education, which serves as a personal form of capital, shielding you from shitty jobs. Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1089432759576948732004-07-10T00:09:00.000-04:002004-07-10T00:15:27.023-04:00Crazy Bitch, Crazy Business
Another example of a wealthy woman with a "fancy" business. Selling ceramics, pink pots and plates. The husband makes plenty of money, the wife can pursue her fancies, whether they are profitable or not. Most of them are high capital, you obviously can't just drop everything and order $10,000 worth of Italian ceramics to paint then peddle in the states, if the moneyDrouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1089432516045537062004-07-09T23:48:00.000-04:002004-07-10T19:57:51.766-04:00Camp Kids
Today we were doing a job for a crazy lady who was moving down the street. As is common the man never shows up--probably at work. Her age was somewhere between 45 and 55. Her husband owns a Burger King, which to me counts as all three strikes against the entire family. They had a daughter and a son; we can tell because the new house has two rooms, one with boxes labeled "David" the Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1089425756178080412004-07-09T22:15:00.000-04:002004-07-09T22:22:11.166-04:00But Wait...I already am a drooling...
"There is an indomitable quality within the human spirit that can not be destroyed; a face deep within the human personality that is impregnable to all assaults . . . we would be drooling idiots, dangerous maniacs, raving beasts – if it were not for that quality and force within all humans that cries 'I will live.'"
-Chester HimesDrouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1089024982909421422004-07-05T06:51:00.000-04:002004-07-05T06:56:22.910-04:00Survival of the fittest, these are the lengths the best spammers must go to to pass the filters. The following text, in about 8 point font, was at the bottom of a piece of spam that made it through to my email inbox:
no mre was fully die. one adulthood of mitochondria aging. in out ''I causes counteract path the have researchers four identified one the mice to which which these can up can Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1088799380474570562004-07-02T16:15:00.000-04:002004-07-02T16:16:20.473-04:00Thank You so much for your letter. I'm surprised that you remembered my mother at all. It was extremely emotional when she passed as my brother and I were literally kneeling bedside holding her hands as she gasped her last breath. She would have most certainly remembered you, she mentioned you a couple of times when you and Sophy were going out. She adored Sophy. He came to her bedside and Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1088734582422615762004-07-01T22:16:00.000-04:002004-07-01T22:16:22.423-04:00Crap crap crap crap crap.
Tanned athletic 20-something male in gym shorts and shirt with sleeves cut off enters corporate seconds/discount clothing store.Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1088195369826887172004-06-25T16:27:00.000-04:002004-06-25T16:29:29.826-04:00Writing that isn't intended for anyone to read is like music that wasn't meant to be listened to. Noise. The noise coming out of Japan, like most things, is renowned to be the best. I.E. the least musical.Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-108759906286805442004-06-18T18:43:00.000-04:002004-06-20T14:02:57.710-04:00Even Larry Brown, evidently from watching shots of her during the NBA finals, married a woman in her thirties. This old geezer's got at least 25 years on her. His wife looked so attractive, lady-like, and stable in those shots of her watching the game and cheering in a professional and collected manner. The way she cheered was so emotionally unemotional. Like the Clinton's "enjoying" the Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1087598298623254472004-06-18T18:36:00.000-04:002004-06-18T18:38:18.623-04:00Alas, all the Oompa Loompas in Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory are likely deceased. Their indelible mark on humanity remains.Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1086649570885429872004-06-07T19:04:00.000-04:002004-06-18T18:41:39.703-04:00He wakes up around 5:30 in the morning. He doesn't shower or use the bathroom for any extended period, unless it's to take a shit. I know this because he sprays enough air freshener that it wafts into my room and enters my dreams. I'm not sure exactly what else he does before leaving, but he leaves just about every morning around six, when I usually arise. I believe he goes to his storage Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1086649446103714812004-06-07T18:45:00.000-04:002004-06-07T19:04:06.103-04:00He wakes up around 5:30 in the morning. He doesn't shower or use the bathroom for any extended period, unless it's to take a shit. I know this because he sprays enough air freshener that it wafts into my room and enters my dreams. I'm not sure exactly what else he does before leaving, but he leaves just about every morning around six, when I usually arise. I believe he goes to his storage Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1086393601197719552004-06-04T19:52:00.000-04:002004-06-04T20:00:01.196-04:00This person is married to this person
He's 23 years her senior. She's a model, he's an author. I've lost all respect for Mr. Rushdie. I'm sure they say they're in love and how romantic to have found their soulmates--the same nonsense Rushdie has spouted, what-is-it-now, four times? He's taking a fine piece of ass away from those in her age group simply because he's a dirty-old-man who can't Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1086226213781978082004-06-02T21:04:00.000-04:002004-06-02T21:30:13.780-04:00It seems habitual. You get into a situation where you're used to yielding to someone, or hearing their suggestions, then yielding. And it's like you have no voice. Because if you voice concern or show opposition to their suggestion or demand, the mere fact that your resistance is uncommon deflates the value of your opinion.
Americana dictates that the silent man is the strongest, the cowboy Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1086224447845147422004-06-02T20:59:00.000-04:002004-06-02T21:00:47.846-04:00I don't exist.
--
That's it.Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1085436620409569552004-05-24T18:10:00.000-04:002004-05-24T18:13:00.013-04:00I saw a commercial for SBC once that said there was a merger and that some other company (I've forgotten the name) would now be known as SBC. The commercial then cut to a worker installing or working on a phone line. He was elevated on a ladder up against a telephone pole, and a graphic wave moved across the screen changing his uniform from the old company to SBC. The worker guy (all-american Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1085435784784616332004-05-24T17:55:00.000-04:002004-05-24T17:56:24.786-04:00When you become a bore,
you get no respect.
People tell you they'll call,
Then don't.
And it doesn't matter.
Because you don't.Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1085374077429887102004-05-24T00:41:00.000-04:002004-05-24T00:51:52.550-04:00To The Couple Kissing In The Courthouse
Love's embrace tangy and sweet
inside smiles and crimes, impregnable
jagged edges and fallen examples
proving liquid rigidity
irresistable aggression
as bodies clamp
overcome this very moment,
the crime of passionDrouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1084766167435579642004-05-16T23:45:00.000-04:002004-05-17T00:00:04.303-04:00"Loneliness has followed me my whole life. Everywhere. In bars, cars, sidewalks, stores. Everywhere. There's no escape. I'm God's lonely man."
Travis Bickle from "Taxi Driver"
Today I discovered why I am so obsessed with these words. On first glance they seem like a dead-end statement--an exclamation of a hopeless condition. But upon furtherDrouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1084746288888907352004-05-16T18:21:00.000-04:002004-05-16T18:25:58.673-04:00It's depressing to feel like you're losing something that you want so much, and everything you try to remedy the fact fails.
The reason you're losing what you long for is because you're not doing what you should to get it. Usually because you simply don't know what it is you should be doing.
But this time I feel like I do know, I just don't have the tenacity, discipline, or ability to do it.Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1084669398522096502004-05-15T20:58:00.000-04:002004-05-15T21:03:18.523-04:00Damnit. I survived Skydiving.
It's not a big deal in tandem. Not even the first time. You fall real fast then pull the cord and float.
I was praying for some malfunction. But there are so many safety devices, even a backup parachute that goes off automatically if you don't pull the main chute.Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1084600052270292942004-05-15T01:37:00.000-04:002004-05-15T21:07:42.033-04:00..can't sleep.
--
Not being able to sleep used to be a romantic notion. Unable to sleep because some thoughts weigh ponderously heavy on your mind. Or perhaps the reasons were as mysterious as sleep itself. Just the fact existed: you're awake. Need I even mention that this sentiment no longer occurs? Could I possibly be more mechanical, more boring?
--
Bemoan the fact that capital Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1084069748973676842004-05-08T22:16:00.000-04:002004-05-08T22:36:35.186-04:00Old Navy. "Shopping is fun again."
What they're is implying is that poor people can now shop without worrying about their budget because their product is so cheap.
The difference between "shopping is fun" and "shopping is fun again" is immense. The former is a juvenile statement, like "Candy is sweet." At most the statement could be stretched into the teenage domain, similar to "kissing isDrouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1083709449387448792004-05-04T17:47:00.000-04:002004-05-04T18:27:52.060-04:00The building is located at the corner of three main arteries of a major city in Massachusetts. Large white edifice that spans the entire half block. The ground floor is basically a large very wide hallway with the obligatory security desk in front--all the rent-a-cop does is say "hi" to you (....as if that will deter terrorists. I suppose they're working under the assumption that terrorists Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1083675308930542912004-05-04T08:54:00.000-04:002004-05-04T08:58:58.733-04:00Sauerkraut was renamed "liberty cabbage," dachshunds "liberty hounds" and German measles "liberty measles" by Americans during WWI, in their denunciation of all things German.
Please pass the freedom fries.Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1083552249849922402004-05-02T22:43:00.000-04:002004-05-02T22:48:24.576-04:00From "Conan The Destroyer"
Zula: "I swear that if Conan will let me ride with him, I will give my life for him."
Conan: "We shall see."Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1083462520256356082004-05-01T21:48:00.000-04:002004-05-01T21:52:53.403-04:00..Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1083461472457981342004-05-01T21:05:00.000-04:002004-05-01T21:51:07.590-04:00I might as well work every day because my life has no purpose.
Let me go through what happened today: I woke up around 6:20, ate breakfast, morning routine, biked to work. Moved some crazy sort of asexual-but-probably-lesbian nerdy messy lady. It was a long day. I got home at about 7:15. Boiled water for pasta while cutting my hair, ate. Sat in front of my computer thinking about the day aDrouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1083385690889114172004-05-01T00:26:00.000-04:002004-05-01T00:33:27.483-04:00I went to elementary school with this kid. I think his article is fantastic, it encompasses my sentiments exactly. I don't know how he figures he's from Puerto Rico when he grew up in Amherst.
reprinted from here
-----
Pat Tillman is not a hero: He got what was coming to him
By Rene Gonzalez
April 28, 2004
When the death of Pat Tillman occurred, I turned to my friend who was watching the Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1083371301893499452004-04-30T20:04:00.000-04:002004-04-30T20:32:37.420-04:00My writing output is inversely proportional to how much I work. I think you'll find this true for most blogs. One blog idee fixe goes something like this:
"My god, I'm sorry I haven't written anything in a while, but I've been so busy with work, school, my lowly children. John at work called me a dipshit today and it stressed me out so much that I just HAD to get it off my chest in the form Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1082746864872489382004-04-23T14:40:00.000-04:002004-04-23T15:06:01.090-04:00I know I have committed the blunder of art-overanalysis when I have broken its meaning down into several equations.
Formal logic, with it's numbered sentences equations and rules, often stretches into this area. How do I know this? How can I prove it using formal logic? I can't. But I can tell you for sure that God doesn't exist. How? I just know. It's impossible. Does Mickey Mouse existDrouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1082426510744863022004-04-19T22:01:00.000-04:002004-04-19T22:17:57.840-04:00I just nuked a nascent post by somehow selecting the "back button."
I was beginning to feel that familiar ambient energy created when I latch onto a topic. A most pleasing high. I was only about 8 sentences into it, but the inspiration has suddenly and completely eluded me--I simply don't want to write about that shit anymore.
This has happened several times since I've embraced the online Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1082092482221816992004-04-16T01:14:00.000-04:002004-04-16T01:20:08.750-04:00One has to assert themselves in order to be successful.
Small societies are a figment of human imagination, created in order to help us cope with the vast world we live in. One cannot, "just be" and still be recognized. In fact, those living 'the contemplative' life are not revered as trailblazers but rather shunned as crazy. Those who find lasting, undeniable success in a world populated by Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1082059406257120472004-04-15T16:03:00.000-04:002004-04-15T16:08:17.890-04:00The legal system will have its way with you like a child toying with a bug just before squashing it.
And judges and D.A.s won't budge. They stand behind this great procedure. This tremendous system that overpowers you. And it's comical to see how many fold when confronted with unreasonable power. Like bugs scampering from the malicious child's foot.Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1081747568608968972004-04-12T01:26:00.000-04:002004-04-12T01:29:59.560-04:00Streak broken Easter Sunday.Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1081747541214670322004-04-12T01:25:00.000-04:002004-04-12T01:32:25.763-04:00It's a waste for me to attempt to write a script. Any stories I write will undoubtably feature the permenently disfigured lone man as the protagonist. Proving that life's mishaps ill effects never cease.
Nothing is fair. The whole notion is bullshit. People get paid hundreds of thousands of dollars by insurance companies if they get rear ended and their knee hurts for a few months, whereas Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1081562126960810822004-04-09T21:55:00.000-04:002004-04-09T21:59:10.920-04:0017 days consecutive. If I plow straight through until May 13th, my trial date, that will number 51 days consecutive. Once I get to the twenties, a day off becomes a letdown. It's not all that difficult. it would be harder, at this stage, to pretend to harbor interesting activities awaiting the arrival of free-time. May fourteenth would begin another string of fifty-one days ceasing on the Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1080603394088048762004-03-29T18:36:00.000-05:002004-03-29T18:54:27.466-05:00I've worked 25 of the last 27 days. About 93 percent. I'm tired. I have nothing to say. The Monday through Friday crowd work 5 out of 7 or about 71 percent. I believe this is closer to the ideal because the body and mind tire and have trouble recovering without regular days of rest.
I was always the kid who when he first got a new toy played with it until he broke it or fell asleep with it Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1080429680479944872004-03-27T18:21:00.000-05:002004-03-27T18:24:47.543-05:00Past the point of nothing left to say.
Days recede along the crest of illusion.
Forgotten memories reassert at importunate moments.
Impossible opportunities flutter through.
Till they can not be seen,
like the setting sun
in its red-yellow splendor.
Life goes by.
Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1080267936707750662004-03-25T21:25:00.000-05:002004-03-25T21:29:01.340-05:00Trophies are a relic of the past.
A past before the invention of photography, photo albums and camcorders.Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1080173713028069862004-03-24T19:15:00.000-05:002004-03-24T19:42:14.590-05:00Nate Cornejo's Scouting Report
2004 Outlook
"Cornejo made strides last season in his mental approach by developing a bulldog attitude. But his lack of velocity raises a red flag. Where it looked like he was a potential No. 1 or 2 starter a couple years ago, it appears he now might be a No. 4 or 5 starter at best. Not throwing as hard may have helped him stay in the major leagues, but it's a Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1080101371168985602004-03-23T23:09:00.000-05:002004-03-23T23:13:10.576-05:00Orgasm's apex of peeled-away layers,
revealing the known, the mundane, the dirty,
jealousy clenches passion stained,
The smeared wobble of reflection.
Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1079940399835622572004-03-22T02:26:00.000-05:002004-03-22T13:18:53.640-05:00If I plagiarize Shakespeare on a piece of paper, claim that I wrote it (privately of course), and then promptly burn the paper and never speak of it again. It is certainly not plagiarism.
If I write it in my journal and keep it locked away for no one to ever read. And it is not read until after I am dead. Again, it cannot be considered plagiarism, at least not in a court of law.
What if I Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1079909651686990512004-03-21T17:54:00.000-05:002004-03-22T02:30:58.950-05:00The idea is that passing interest took seriously is the most heartfelt of lies and utterly despicable. It's sadly comical to see the 30 something woman with her brightly colored spandex outfit, cleated sneakers, $3000 bike, and stern looking face, walking her rig up a mild incline. As I, with jeans and a tee shirt and a rusted clunker, set to "medium" because the gears don't work ( this is not Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1079574861759118842004-03-17T20:54:00.000-05:002004-03-17T20:58:11.840-05:00I'm quiting writing forever because:
A. My writings are still basically the same since when I started. I must not be a real artist, because I haven't been able to change at all. Or I don't suffer from the common artist's delusion that my work is improving (Nor will I fool myself into believing that changes to the shadow alter the substance). I recall fondly (as Red Sox fans recall misfortune Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1079318484650282242004-03-14T21:41:00.000-05:002004-03-14T21:44:34.640-05:00from rotten.com
Robert E. Howard (1906-1936)
Credited with the creation of a literary sub-genre known as "Sword and Sorcery." Became a writer so he could be his own boss. With respect to his aversion to traditional employment, he once remarked, "my passion for freedom is almost an obsession. Writing has always been a means to an end I hoped to achieve. Personal liberty may be a phantom, but I Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1079231491460605652004-03-13T21:31:00.000-05:002004-03-13T21:34:40.090-05:00When there's nothing left to live for. One can't help but be preoccupied with death.
There is a notion that complete freedom comes when utter nothingness has been achieved. All desire negated. All material objects forsaken. This is not purest enlightenment, but dreadful oblivion.
Complete honesty will leave you tired and alone.
It is impossible not to be captured by your parents' influenceDrouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1078802257536519792004-03-08T22:17:00.000-05:002004-03-13T21:15:59.513-05:00--Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1078034547561289112004-02-29T01:02:00.000-05:002004-02-29T01:06:50.700-05:00I can't stop smirking.
Doc Love:
"The best thing for you to do now, Les, is block Erin's incoming e-mail. If she calls you on the phone and you accidentally pick up, say, "How have you been, baby? Look, I'd like to talk to you, but my date's in the bathroom. But I want you to know something. She doesn't mean a thing to me. You know you're the one. So keep in touch..." Click. Then go back to Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1078014347087866672004-02-28T19:25:00.000-05:002004-02-28T20:58:48.090-05:00Chamisa stood middle height, dark hair and eyes. Her rounded cheeks spoke of domestic comfort and her 20-year-old hips seemed on the verge of exploding in every direction, like football fans in a packed arena. The social style she adopted for her late adolescent/early adulthood years was one of misdirection. Wherever she wasn't was the place to be. When she spent time with people her own age Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1077682795646041342004-02-24T23:19:00.000-05:002004-02-24T23:25:30.826-05:00John Kerry stands at 6' 4½". If he becomes president that would make him the tallest president ever, ½ an inch taller than Lincoln.Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1077336484714338922004-02-20T23:08:00.000-05:002004-02-20T23:20:38.390-05:00If you're a woman and you're:
1. At least average looking.
2. Employed.
3. Not already married with kids,
Then you shouldn't need this service. Any woman satisfying the above three traits will be approached by men all the time. The fact is, and I say this without emotion, as one would state the time of day, the game of interpersonal relationships favor women by 14 points. So therefore if Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797866.post-1077215282611096272004-02-19T13:28:00.000-05:002004-02-19T13:30:40.560-05:00For Catherine:
Are you out there?
Swindled into 21st first century love. Words and pictures bundled together creating the illusion of existence. Things should be carefree and light, actions and desire should have minimal meaning attached.
The algorithm is remiss. Compatibility doesn't exist for those borne of the land of hollow trees and parched grass. Divided by decay, unable to branch Drouillardnoreply@blogger.com0